Feb - 20 - 2024 post San Francisco
There is wisdom in the weird days.
My day started with this thought after writing for hours and dancing through the clarities and confusions that are available in today’s mental menu. I landed in Mexico City at 5 AM, slept until 1 PM. I did not hear my alarm at 10. When I woke up, I brushed it off with an ‘‘my body must have needed it’’.
What do humans do when we are in a state of confusion and have no clarity setting mechanisms? I do not remember my process prior to writing constantly and untangling things through walking. I really don’t. But I remember the air of how that life felt. I do not want to breathe it again. What at the time seemed like the truest anxiety, now seems like a distant lie I got to experience and extract lessons from.
When it comes to mental health, I think the more we know, the less we suffer. Being a woman is A ride I ignored for long. I always thought of myself as a human, not a woman. As if rejecting the label would exempt me from the natural effects of being one. I love being a woman now. With all its magic and all its tragic. And the more I understand how our hormones work, the less I take it personal when they work against the ideal I have in my head.
Oh to be endlessly energetic and live in constant euphoria. A dream I will apparently never seize to be drawn to. Mainly because it has felt like a reality so many times and my fingers still stretch for it.
Good diet, enough sleep, staying well hydrated, working enough, but not too much. It is not just that and that is not enough. An observation that both boils me and excites me with curiosity about the spiritual world and all the energies that are at play when it comes to our overall wellbeing.
-What ideas about yourself or about the world feel heavy on you right now?
-What is my body asking for? rest, nourishment, physical touch, movement, four minutes of deep breaths?
-What feeling have I been postponing? What am I afraid of it will unleash? Is that fear still worth holding on to that feeling and letting it confuse you?
-What personal creative activity have you not being visiting? Have you been too mentally busy to paint? to write? to stretch? to cook? to watch your inspiring films?
-What sources connect you back to your center where it feels safe, warm, inspiring and familiar? What kind of music? whose voice? what places?
I am all for life’s ebbs and flows but I have an undeniable drive to swim strongly in a different direction after flowing in an unchosen one for a while. I am no Ghandi, no Buddha and no Jesus. Although I admire their perceived patience. Whoever I am, I have a deep desire to be and stay well. And confusion. does not feel or resemble a fertile ground for living intensely.
Are these growing pains? I do not know.
I just know this life will keep sending weird things that are to turn us inward and find the wisdom to navigate them.
Today I pray for a life I am constantly engaged with and feel in service of the world and honor of my essence. I pray for ease so I can listen to what my heart needs, wants, and proposes and I pray that my ego does not interrupt the hearing of this message and the carrying out of it.
Clarity might just come when we stop over identifying with confusion. When we choose what we want to be clear on. What we want to do, be and experience. Starting boldly from there and choosing it firmly. Sticking to walking that line regardless of how shaky the ground gets.
Whatever art making, ritual, habit or voice gives you clarity, keep it close. The ebbs and flows are a ride to enjoy, not an adventure to drown in. Sometimes life proposes, sometimes we initiate. I’m still finding the way to navigate what I didn’t initiate. And keep visiting the personal spots that let me take deep long breaths.
Today I will cook, today I will paint.
Today, I will initiate.
Marguga! De nuevo gracias por existir! Thank you for this fitting post. I'm coming off a tough week too. Had friends visiting and though I love them and love spending time with them, I felt stifled uneasy and constantly tired. I also had a lot of running thoughts about a past love that I keep trying to heal. And it wasn't until I finally acted on a promise I made myself to reach out to someone i really truly admire and offered to volunteer my time to their cause, that I realised that the reason why I was feeling so stuck was that I was moving away from trying to contribute to this world in a meaningful important way. Going back to doing things that excite me, scare me but offer something to the world is what keeps me going! Thanks for being such an inspiration, always!🤍
I love this !!!